As winter first came around, I listened. To nature, to my body. I watched the plants and animals go into hibernation. I watched the days stretch out—languid, long and lazy. I heard my body asking for warmth, wanting to stay in and go in—deeper, into hibernation, reflection. To weave a cocoon. To disintegrate parts of myself in order to form a chrysalis. To cultivate a quiet place for rest and transformation.
You don't let many people into a cocoon. Journeys like this are private affairs. Winter is still winter-ing and I don't see myself emerging any time soon. But I thought I would poke my head out and share a little update on some things I've been learning and doing.
I figured out why I could never keep to an exercise regimen. I've always hated working out and I'm pretty sure it was just because of the terminology—"working" out; "regimen". I've been away from organized religion for a long time now, but I still find myself craving ritual. Little rites and routines; observances and practices that add a little more depth and engagement to each day. So when I decided I was going to start a "body movement ritual" for no other purpose than to be in a deeper relationship with my body, it came easy. Morning stretching rituals have also been great for greeting each day and being in my body. Dance has been surprisingly fulfilling as well. Movement—who knew?!
I don't know why it took me so long, but I also started journalling each day (again, whoever could have known…). That has been incredible for things like putting thoughts into words and documenting my life, but it's also really cultivated my writing practice. Practice because it's not only a ritual and routine, but a discipline. Simply writing each day—literally anything at all—has given me so much more energy for my bigger writing projects.
One of those projects is the monster of a fantasy novel I've been working on sporadically since 2016. I say "monster" not because it's big and complex, just because I am a complex fiction writer and obsessively scrap and edit as I go. It's a curse. But I've been making good progress on it and might share some excerpts and updates here as I go. That actually might give me some much-needed accountability.
I've also been really inspired and productive with econudist—my project/blog/social presence about naturism/nudism from the intersections of spirituality, environmentalism and social change. I don’t dream of labour, but being a nudist content creator/influencer would definitely be a dream job.
Other miscellaneous things I've been up to:
Tarot and tea, as always
Music: Deftones, The Cure, SZA, Arca
Books: The Flowering Wand by Sophie Strand, We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson, Circe by Madeline Miller
TV: Dead to Me, Mayfair Witches, What We Do in the Shadows, re-watching Mad Men
Planning camping trips for 2023
Becoming a literal chrysalis as I’m a few weeks away from starting gender-affirming hormone therapy
Working on my posture (all this writing does not help)